in the middle of it

Yesterday at church, after the service, I had an encounter with someone where I felt like I was attacked and bullied because of choices I've made, choices that I have not made lightly or easily but have agonized over and researched and sometimes still question but I was made to feel like I put little thought into those decisions and didn't give a hoot about the outcome. The encounter rocked me. I left feeling so angry and hurt. Of course, I didn't say anything because I have a tendency to avoid conflict which left me feeling even more frustrated with myself. As much as I wish I could say I rose about it, prayed about it, let it go and all is well, it isn't. I cried many tears yesterday as I walked through the pain and the pain of old woulds reopening.

The point of writing this isn't to leave anyone wondering what was said to me. It's not something I can easily talk about with others. It was hard enough to talk to my husband about. The point is to say that in the midst of that pain, I felt God loving me, His gentle arms wrapped around me encouraging me and reminding me that He loves me just as I am, no matter what anyone else says or thinks about me (because believe me, a lot of people have strong opinions about me and the choices I make). Those things don't matter though, He loves me for who I am right now, in the middle of this pain, for the sensitive person I am. I can't thank Him enough for that.

1945. time to work out, even if it wasn't exactly when I wanted to

1950. their giggles over stories

1951. the playground with friends

1952. the last bit of light in the sky before it's dark

1953. coffee with the girls

1954. what He did for me

1955. Philippians 4:6

1956. braids in her hair

1957. baths to bring down his fever

1958. comforting him while he's sick

1959. a clean van, on the outside at least

1960. an impromptu gathering with the neighbours

1961. puzzles on the coffee table

1962. his fever breaking

1963. lots and lots and lots of stories to read

1964. a happy ending

1965. His peace and reassurance

1966. their excitement when Grampa and Gramma arrived

1967. a week off of school

Comments

[Jenn]

Hugs Heather. I know you don't do anything lightly and always agonize over whether you're doing the best thing for your kids. God led you to that decision and I pray you find peace knowing that - sounds like you have. :)
Love your list, especially all your gratitude in the face of a less than perfect month with sick kids.
I'll check for seat sales again. :)

[janet]

I can never understand why some people think it is their privilege, goal, job, purpose or business in life to tell other people how they should live.
Boggles my mind!!

[Erica]

I'm sorry you had that experience, Heather :( It's very obvious to anyone who visits your blog that you are such an amazing and attentive wife and mother. We sound a lot alike in that we take things personally and choose to avoid conflict and confrontation. I've definitely been there, done that and empathize with your situation. Lots of love from me.

[Michelle]

I have nothing new to add that the other ladies haven't already said but I know you are one of the most thoughtful and intentional people I've ever met. It is no one's place to come to us in judgement of our actions. Love, yes. Judgement and criticism, No. (((hugs))) I'm so glad you have peace in God's love for you.

[Stacey]

(((hugs))) Praying you are finding peace today.

We are so alike. And I love you too. :)

[Liza]

Sending you many blessings.

[tracey]

It seems that you take life with such a thoughtful posture H. Makes me sad that someone would challenge you and call into question your convictions. Pray you are rising above this situation and seeing it from above. You are loved. :)
t

[Crystal]

I love you - and you are surrounded by amazing friends online. ((( HUGS )))

[Andrea]

I'm sorry you had to endure such an experience. I truly believe there are some cases in which tears cleanse the soul. Not that I wish tears for you, but hopefully that makes some sense. He most certainly loves you, and I'm glad you felt His embrace. Love that verse, too. {Hugs}

[Rachelle Bey]

I love the picture of Silas with all his toy figurines lined up on the bathtub ledge...classic...I should tell him what my brother used to do after he lined up all HIS figurines...hahaha....I don't think you'd appreciate it though;)

[Meaghan]

(hugs) for you, and love. I think you are wonderful!! Know that when someone has a problem, 95% of it is about them, and only 5% is about you...and usually the 5% is just being in the wrong place at the wrong time! xoxo

[Cate]

Sometimes I wonder what goes through people's heads at church that makes them do stuff like that. Isn't that the opposite of what you're there for? Hugs...I think your fabulous, no matter what choices you make. :)

[Cate]

And that should totally be "you're", but my iPad wouldn't let me go back. :)