Running The Race

some sprinkler photos and a ramble

It's grey and raining and cold here so I thought it would be a perfect time to stare at these photos from a few weeks ago.

 

I spent the past few weeks working on a project (that I will likely share about later) that had me digging through folders and folders and folders of old photos, mostly since the kids were born. It was such a bittersweet trip down memory lane. I can't tell you the number of times my eyes welled up with tears (okay, or the tears that I cried) or the laughs I had. I realized many things in those hours. One of them being that I've taken a lot of really crappy photos. I've also taken a lot of really awesome photos too. And it pains me that many of those are still sitting in folders, out of sight, never seen by any other eyes but mine (or maybe my husband). I used to scrapbook so lots of those photos were printed back when the kids were just little but since then they just sit there. It pains me. The reason I do 365 is to capture our everyday moments and record those memories yet they sit on a hard drive. This project renewed my desire to get those photos printed. So while that isn't going to happen today I thought a start would be at least sharing these photos from a few weeks ago. It's rare for me to just sit and snap away these days. I tend to take a photo or two for 365 and then put the camera away but this day I just kept on shooting and I got so many photos I love. One (maybe two) will make it into my 365 but the rest will likely sit on a hard drive somewhere and wither. That makes me kinda sad. This whole photography thing, this snapping of photos that I've done for so many years still has me asking so many questions. But looking back at all those photos of our kids, seeing how much they've changed, remembering the things they used to do is a pretty solid yes, it's worth it. So for now, I keep snapping away. 

31 Things: Days 3, 4 and 5

Just thought I'd share a few of the pages I've done for 31 Things.

I wasn't sure I would share this page, the journaling is pretty honest and raw but months and months ago I read Cathy Zielske's blog where she talked openly about her marriage and going to therapy and it moved something in me because she was honest and open and I thought if I can encourage anyone in their marriage by sharing our (my) struggles, then it's worth sharing.

By some miracle, I've actually managed to keep up with this and make it through week 1. Let's hope I can keep the momentum going for the rest of the month.

31 Things

My friend, Erica, is doing a really cool project this month (inspired by another blogger named Jenn - you may have seen this post going around Pinterest, that's where I orginally saw it). I thought it would be fun to dive into as well. I haven't scrapbooked in years so it's a bit overwhelming for me to do this but I don't want to not do it because I'm not "good enough" or the page isn't "good enough" (man, those are some words I'm about done with in my life). So I'm letting go and doing it anyways. It's gonna be simple but from the heart. And I'm not gonna stress out that I'm already a day behind either.

Here's a look at Day 1:

I'm not planning to share every day - some of the topics are really personal and heartfelt but I may share a few here and there. What do you think? Is this something you would do? You could even just write down the anwers in a journal every day. It doesn't have to be big or fancy but it would really awesome to leave for your kids one day or to look back on in the future. Wanna join us?

Linked 2013: Month Four: Simple

There's just something about bubbles that bring so much joy. They are such a simple thing but can create hours of fun. The kids got some in a treat bag from a birthday party last weekend and couldn't wait to get outside and play with them. These photos just make me smile.

Check out everyone else's take on the topic too:

Carla, Amanda, Hanne, Heidi, Janet, Jenn, Kristin, Rhonda, Tracey and Tracy

Linked 2013: Month Three: Faces

I know I'm behind on March's linked post but here it is.

Whenever I get out the camera lately, my boy has been pulling out his silly faces. He has also been saying some of the most hilarious things this past week too. I decided that I need to write them down so I don't forget.

1. We've been working hard to stop the thumb sucking during the day and only allow it at night. The other day though, he really wanted to suck his thumb and said to me, "Mom, my thumb is kinda my life."
2. Another day I asked him to go outside to check the weather. He walked outside and said, "Mommy, the weather is glorious!"
3. We were at the grocery store in the produce section and he wanted to use the scale so he put a bag of onions in it, looked at the number and said, "They weigh 2 Instagrams!"
4. We were laying in bed together first thing in the morning and he had brought his Siamese cats (from the movie Lady and the Tramp) into bed and he was giving them names. One received the name Fuzzy Lovey Moll and the other Brownie Blue-Eyes Moll.
   

This boy brings me so much joy and makes me laugh every day. I'm so very grateful for him.

Check out everyone else's take on the topic too:

Carla, Hanne, Heidi, Janet, Jenn, Kristin, Rhonda, Tracey and Tracy

right here

Lately I've been stepping back from the computer and being online. It's a bit of a story that I'm not sure I want to share here but I've come to the realization that my life exists right here in front of me, not on the computer, in some far away place. It's here, in my home, on my street with the people I can touch and hold and hug and see with my eyes. I'm so tired of the guilt and the comparing and the insecurity that comes *almost* every time I stare at this screen. I realize this isn't the situation for everyone and I'm truly not judging anyone for the time they spend online. This is just what I've come to realize in my own life, right at this time. I'm not signing off forever or vowing to never turn the computer on, that's not realistic in this day and age (and I also have some very dear online friends that I desire to have a relationship with) but I need to re-evaluate my own life and priorities right now and for me that means stepping back, making a change, letting go and living this beautiful life right here in front of me, recognizing the beautiful moments, like this one below, that exist right before my very eyes, that I see when I turn off the screens that so easily distract me.

A little description of this photo, from my photo-a-day blog, that doesn't necessarily go with the words I've written above but that my heart is feeling so deeply right now, reminding me of this need I feel to live. in. this. momemt. right here in front of me:

Sometimes, in that crazy hour between when we get home from school and I'm trying to get supper on the table I let them play up on the counter next to me while I cook. We ask about her day and tell her about ours and I referee and try not to burn dinner. And some days, when I'm having a rare moment of clarity, I step back and soak it all in because this is my life and this is what it's all about and I want to remember every bit of how good it is. So I take photos like this, that seem boring and snapshot-ish because I want them to remember how much I loved this (even when I'm almost going crazy). The way she wants to be near me and the way he wants to be near her and the cooler on the counter making homemade yogurt and the countless hours I spend making meals from scratch every single day and my favourite cookbook of the moment and the way he almost always has a car (or lego) in his hand and how much she's into her ponies right now and how it was pink shirt day at school and she had to wear a pink skirt too and that green oven mitt my Grandma gave her that I use all the time. These little seemingly insignificant bits that make up our days are precisely the ones I don't want to forget.

Four People Twelve Times - January 2013

taken at Nose Creek Park, January 5, 2013

January's highlights:

• celebrating Christmas with Heather's family at our house (our first time hosting a Christmas gathering)
• Grampa and Gramma staying for a sleepover
• getting a new (to me) pair of skates and going skating together as a family for the first time
• going sledding with Millers
• Helayna going back to school after Christmas break
• Jonathan going with Helayna's class to the zoo
• Helayna starting art class
• Silas and Heather going with Helayna's class to the science centre on a fieldtrip
• girls weekend in Invermere
  
• Heather getting a new (replacement) iphone
• Silas starting sports class
• starting lunch supervision
• going for coffee with Kelsey and Peyton
• starting women's bible study (7 by Jen Hatmaker)
• Heather's California trip (which was full of so many firsts and awesome memories)

waves

There have been many times in my life where I have been overwhelmed by the waves. The tide was coming in fast and furious and I was overcome. I wasn't expecting those waves. My back was turned. I wasn't paying attention. The tide came in too fast. I wasn't ready and I was left feeling like I was about to drown. I could't find my feet beneath me. I had a hard time getting my head above water and was left gasping for air, catching a breath here and there in the midst of the torrent washing over me. At the beginning I even tried crying for help but my efforts were futile and eventually I just stopped calling, thinking this was something I needed to fight on my own. I felt like the barrage would never end but it did, just when I thought I was too weary to go on, the storm passed by, the tide went out and I was laying on the beach, beaten down, trying to catch my breath, so, so weary but also grateful I made it through. I may have laid there a long time, not quite believing I could get up, maybe letting my body rest, too tired to get up just yet but eventually finding my legs, standing up and surveying the damage left by the storm.

There have been other times in my life, albeit few and far between, where the waves have come but I was ready for them. I was on my surfboard, paddling out as hard as I could, ready for that big white wave so I could ride it all the way back to shore. I may have fallen off my board but I just got back on and tried again. The thrill of riding the wave outweighed the fear of falling. I felt strong and capable and kept on going.

And then there have been times in my life where I felt like I was just walking on the edge, enjoying the view, breathing in deeply, feeling the salty spray on my cheeks, the wind in my hair maybe, and life was just so peaceful. Even if I was just one step away from being overcome by the waves, maybe carelessing, unknowingly walking close to a riptide, I felt everything was okay. My feet were firmly planted on the sand and even if they got wet, it was okay. I may have even kicked off my shoes and welcomed the icy, cold water, the soft sand between my toes. The beauty of my surroundings, the peaceful feeling washing over me, the sun setting in the distance was such a welcome relief from the barrage I had experienced earlier. 

Sometimes I go back and forth between feeling these things daily. Life is hard and good and happy and sad and messy and exhausting and peaceful. I'm learning to accept the waves as they come, to take it all in stride and know that no matter what it won't last forever and that's part of the beauty and mystery of life.

Can you relate? Have you ever found yourself in one of these places? Where do you feel you are right now?

Listography 2013: #4 & #5

Things I Would Like to Learn

1. to play the guitar

2. to make cheese

3. to swim better

4. to use Lightroom

5. to speak Spanish

6. to do a triathlon

7. to love and accept myself just as I am

8. to take better photos

 

Brave Things I Have Done

1. said no

2. gone cliff jumping

3. had hard conversations with people I love

4. given birth to 2 babes without drugs

5. gone for counselling

6. stood up for my kids

7. faced depression

8. stayed when every fibre of my being wanted to run

9. taken an airplane to meet people I knew only from the internet ;)

California dreaming

I arrived home late last night after a weekend spent in California. I want to wax poetical about my experience there, the girls I spent the weekend with, the beaches we wandered, the food we ate, the conversations we shared but I'm feeling a major loss for words right now. I know this is surprising for many of you. (Me?! At a loss for words?! What the heck?!) But it's hard to express what I feel in my heart right now. I can tell you it was beautiful and exactly what my soul needed and I kinda wish (on this balmy -22C day) that I was still standing on that beach right now (I'd like to have my husband and kids with me though - I rather missed them while I was away). So I'm putting up this photo, drinking some hot tea from my new California mug and dreaming about my trip. I imagine some tears this week (there have already been plenty), some sadness, some joy remembering and a whole lot of snuggles with my littles (and maybe with hubby too ;) ).